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deadpheonix

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[26 Jul 2012|11:39am]
i guess maybe sometimes I can be a little bit dramatic....
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[11 Jul 2012|11:43pm]

i keep hoping, that somehow, in the dead of night, you'll remember that im still here
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[08 Jun 2012|06:29pm]

i always have the feeling that nothing i say or do will make me happy.</p>

ive been hiding for too long.

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[07 Jun 2012|07:17pm]

i dont know why i bother.
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[05 Jun 2012|09:00pm]

i keep hoping.</p>

largely due to the fact that all my other dreams have been dashed.

that one day...

you'll just... show up.

complete me.

but i never get what i want.

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[05 Jun 2012|05:05pm]


I don't even know what I'm doing the majority the time. I drift, from day to day hoping that eventually everything will start to make sense. But so far... it hasn't. I'm 25. 25 years old and stuck. i have a shit job, a shit apartment, a horrible boyfriend. Nothing seems like its ever going to change or  make. me happy. Now if the problem is me or not I have no idea at all.  I can't figure it out.

 

Fuck.

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[04 Jun 2012|04:40pm]


i shouldnt be bothered that i didn't get one this year but...

 


i totally am.

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[05 Jun 2007|08:06am]
Now...I know life isn't easy,and I know that nothing comes for free,and I really don't have any right to expect it anymore,because I'm fairly certain you don't really want to concern yourself with the fact that I actually am still alive...but....

4 years,and this is the only year that I haven't gotten an email on my birthday. I keep checking it still,half-heartedly expecting one to be there,even though I know its being foolish. And when Zack asks me whats wrong,he tries to understand.He genuinely listens to me and tries to come to grips with the fact that for some odd reason(though I will on occasion protest my hatred for you)I just can't manage to let go of everything completely.
I know I should.
I know I can.
It's just a matter of it making it final that it really is just the past,it was really nothing more then stupid childish love and heartache.
Some days,I'd really love to go back to the days of puppy-love and not crying over spilt milk..
8 comments| [comments]

[24 May 2007|08:24pm]
so...
im going to be 20 in just slightly over a week.
im scared.im getting fucking old.
plus,soon after..im going to be a mom.

this makes me wanna scream.this rides going too fast and im terrified.
blehg.


and,for some strange reason...after more then 4 years..that accent still gets to me.
*sigh*i miss it.i miss being 16.i miss her...fuccccccccccccccck
1 comment| [comments]

[24 Sep 2006|09:59pm]
Alright.
Just about everyday for the past..3 weeks I guess? I've been logging in to Live Journal,clicking on post entry, and staring at the screen wondering what to write. Theres honestly been that much going on.

I've been living back at my parents place for almost 2 months now.Scary to think its been that long since I finally got out of that place,but..its been sometime.
I got promoted at work and Ive been working like a fucking dog since August, and its only going to get worse until after Christmas. But I guess thats the way its gotta be now that Ive finally gotten what I was hoping for.
And now,I suppose,about the wonderful wonderful man I started dating...
holy hell. This is it,the rest of my life, my soulmate. Im going to spend the rest of my life with this man,and Ive never been happier thinking about the future. Theres never been anyone more caring,doting,understanding,compassionate...in short,no one more amazing in my life.Ive never known anything like this. And to think that its going to keep going on and on for the rest of my existance,it gives me the chills. Ive never wanted anything more then to be with that one person who was so completely in tune with me and what I wanted from the world, and now Ive got it and Im never letting go. I dont care who comes between him and I,no one is ripping him from my grasp.Im keeping him.Forever.
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[16 May 2006|12:54am]
So.New journal.

I need a layout.

I desperately want a MCR layout, but I suck with shit like that.

Someone must get me one.Please?
2 comments| [comments]

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